Gratitude

Thanks for the pain in my wrists, for the pain in my heart, for ever to be carried out with a smile, for the fire burning my soul, the torture and the abuse, for hell and heaven, for the vanity and the ego.


Thanks for the compassion, for the anger and the lust, for the hate and the forgiveness, for your glory and the cellphone lighting up the path, for the friend and the ally, for the rebellion.


Thanks for every second I love her, for every second she loved me, for every hair to be found in my beautiful white floor, for every kiss and every time I saw her drying up her hair. Thanks for every dance and every fight, for every time I hated her, for every second she forgot me, for all the delussions and the lies, for the reincarnation and the oblivion, for the rise of a new beginning, for the humbleness and the lost of attachment.


Thanks for the story yet to be told and the missunderstanding of the past, of the present, for the fear and the impotence of not finding a way, of failing and losing, for the buttom and the humbleness.


Thanks for the tiger driving the bike and the owl flying free and happy, thanks for the rise of new wings and the lost of confort, for the lost of a lazy sunday and a corrupted thursday.


Thanks for the brother and the humble king, the beautiful princess and the screams of desolation. Thanks for the master, the song and the key to bring us back.


Let it be all being offered to your glory and for your will.

Three-headed monster

I have noticed three main drivers of my entire life. I m sure I still cant see others perhaps better masqueraded, manipulated or hidden and I can see relationships between those three. One feeding the other while being spoon feeding by the rest, the ones who showed their face and the ones pulling the threads.

Incapacity of feel loved, vanity and addiction to beauty. You might say they are quite the same but I will explain you why I see them as individuals holding hands and sharing gazes upon each other, gently touching themselves sometimes and passionately fake-loving each other.

I probably exaggerate my current understanding of them but I can say that one is a lier and at some degree a lunatic, while the other is a fragile kid put at the expense of something extremely dark. Karma you may call it or "luck", a lucky number, an open door, who knows. Questions about why and how let me to crack my brain over and over and wish death and absolute dissolution within tears and self destruction.

I cannot explain how I feel, how sorry I am for my losses, for what I probably wrongly believe I had and  lost. I tried my ways, the ways of the darkness, the ways of magic, the ways of meditation, the ways of the ego and everything failed and I lost what I loved the most.

There is a way I never tried, at least as I should, not implying that I actually know what it means to try. A way so hard for the ego, a way so painful that I have to pay the deepest respect to the ones who took the decision of truly, truly become love itself.

I am not a religious man though I was raised as such but I have seen hell, dealt with it, lived on it and I m extremely grateful for it cause perhaps you have to feel true darkness if you want to truly feel God.

Roce de tus dedos

Ayer te odié, te reclamé a gritos si debía cargar mi dolor y el de los demás, si debía dejar que me destruyera, si nunca podría tener lo que yo quiero, si nunca podría recuperar lo que he perdido. Si mis culpas no podrán ser perdonadas por aquellos que lastimé, por ti. Te reclamé no tener compasión, te reclamé por la compasión de los hombres, de las mujeres, por nuestra ignorancia. Te odié con toda mi fuerza, con todo mi ego, con todo lo que fui, en nombre de todo lo que perdí, en nombre de mi mismo, de mi idea ignorante de quien soy.

Lloré tanto que mi misma alma quedó tan expuesta, tan vulnerable, tan frágil que hoy pudiste tocarla, rozarla con tus dedos y hacerme sentir tanta compasión y tanto amor por los demás, por mi mismo, por quienes siempre amaré, de cada forma, posible e imposible. Pusiste una sonrisa en mi rostro a pesar de que el dolor no me ha dejado y tal vez nunca lo haga. Me hiciste entender un poco mejor el significado de poner la otra mejilla, de entender que el orgullo, que el ego, nunca tendrán la fuerza que tiene la humildad, que tiene el desapego. Me hiciste entender que lo que yo quiero, no lo has olvidado y que lo que yo amo, siempre lo cuidarás,

Me hiciste entender que el amor no podrá nunca ser explicado con la mente, que el silencio es la única cosa que puede darnos todas las respuestas y que el simple roce de tus dedos puede hacerme sentir tanto amor que no puedo imaginar todas las veces que has querido abrazarme con todos tus brazos, que no has podido hacerlo, que no lo he deseado y que si algún día podemos abrazarnos, podré morir con una sonrisa que hará eco para siempre.

Twin flames

When u left me, a huge part of my soul died. My bad part, the same one that made me push you away, the same one that hurt me during 24 years. Thank u because i had two miracles meeting u ... the first was meeting u, loving u like i never loved anybody, dreaming u to be my wife, the mother of my children. And the second was losing u cause through the deepest pain my soul will finally be free.

Owl stories I

The owl was born in a cold place, snowy, her feathers were white, resembling the coldest night in the mountain, her eyes were the shiniest emerald, the deep bottom of the mysterious ocean. 

Her parents didn’t want to stay in such a cold weather and looking to reach out their background, moved towards camel town, towards the desert. This didn’t agree properly with the owl’s growing, causing her to lose all her white feathers. The vet didn’t know what was the reason of this condition. It would have been too simple to assume it was just the weather, so she spent some time in the vet hospital, until, out of a miraculous energy, her feathers grew up again and more soft and beautiful than ever. 

Her childhood went between bombs and religious conflict, so eventually she moved south, grew up to become a beautiful female owl, who, in need of escaping, flew away towards a cold place, a gray place, the royalty house, where she stayed for a while, till her wings were big enough so she could fly wherever she want. 

So, she decided to fly to Gaudi’s house, where she sat on the top of Sagrada Familia and saw the ocean melting in the parties, the salsa parties she felt attracted cause of Spain hybrid son’s passion. 

The tiger saw her moving her tail, moving it with seduction and mystery, faint away in her deep gaze, ask her to dance and performed his best to get her coordinates. While saying no, she agreed upon a friendship, a weird relationship between a natural psychopath and a beautiful princess, love was in the air and sexual ecstasy devoured her wings ... 

The story is yet to be fill with future chapters ... the rise of new wings, metal wings, may bring the owl to the sky she always dreamt for. 

LCF. 15 – 01 – 2016