Gratitude

Thanks for the pain in my wrists, for the pain in my heart, for ever to be carried out with a smile, for the fire burning my soul, the torture and the abuse, for hell and heaven, for the vanity and the ego.


Thanks for the compassion, for the anger and the lust, for the hate and the forgiveness, for your glory and the cellphone lighting up the path, for the friend and the ally, for the rebellion.


Thanks for every second I love her, for every second she loved me, for every hair to be found in my beautiful white floor, for every kiss and every time I saw her drying up her hair. Thanks for every dance and every fight, for every time I hated her, for every second she forgot me, for all the delussions and the lies, for the reincarnation and the oblivion, for the rise of a new beginning, for the humbleness and the lost of attachment.


Thanks for the story yet to be told and the missunderstanding of the past, of the present, for the fear and the impotence of not finding a way, of failing and losing, for the buttom and the humbleness.


Thanks for the tiger driving the bike and the owl flying free and happy, thanks for the rise of new wings and the lost of confort, for the lost of a lazy sunday and a corrupted thursday.


Thanks for the brother and the humble king, the beautiful princess and the screams of desolation. Thanks for the master, the song and the key to bring us back.


Let it be all being offered to your glory and for your will.

Three-headed monster

I have noticed three main drivers of my entire life. I m sure I still cant see others perhaps better masqueraded, manipulated or hidden and I can see relationships between those three. One feeding the other while being spoon feeding by the rest, the ones who showed their face and the ones pulling the threads.

Incapacity of feel loved, vanity and addiction to beauty. You might say they are quite the same but I will explain you why I see them as individuals holding hands and sharing gazes upon each other, gently touching themselves sometimes and passionately fake-loving each other.

I probably exaggerate my current understanding of them but I can say that one is a lier and at some degree a lunatic, while the other is a fragile kid put at the expense of something extremely dark. Karma you may call it or "luck", a lucky number, an open door, who knows. Questions about why and how let me to crack my brain over and over and wish death and absolute dissolution within tears and self destruction.

I cannot explain how I feel, how sorry I am for my losses, for what I probably wrongly believe I had and  lost. I tried my ways, the ways of the darkness, the ways of magic, the ways of meditation, the ways of the ego and everything failed and I lost what I loved the most.

There is a way I never tried, at least as I should, not implying that I actually know what it means to try. A way so hard for the ego, a way so painful that I have to pay the deepest respect to the ones who took the decision of truly, truly become love itself.

I am not a religious man though I was raised as such but I have seen hell, dealt with it, lived on it and I m extremely grateful for it cause perhaps you have to feel true darkness if you want to truly feel God.